Archive for May, 2011
I listen avidly to all your words, But I feel, feel that you're not with me. And may you always say yes to me, Now you're not with me, now you're with other! And the thread of this story is tearing, And even if you try to forget, The scar will remain with me till the end. I'm sorry, I can not so. Forget about me! But my heart aches from frantic anguish, The world without you just unbearable. I love you as you are, my dear, You just don't lie and be near to me!
I'm lying on a changing table, surrounded by a few people. My mom maintains me, affraid that I can fall down. I'm crying, I'm screaming, I wanna tell something. But they don't understand me, they don't even listen to me. I hear my aunt's voice, she suggests that I have a stomachache I hear my dad's voice, he suggests to put an enema. (In future, it becomes his favorite joke, when he tried to scary me) My dad hate me crying, so he needs actions, not words. But I don't feel any pain, I'm just trying to tell them. To tell the truth, to tell them thing, the sence of life, all secrets of Universe. To tell what was before and what would be after. They knew it. They forgot when got older. But weird adults don't understand me, even though I've repeted my message thousand of times. No wonder. I'm only two weeks old. And I'm crying, coz I know I'll fail, I'll fail my mission, they'll never remember. And I'm screaming, coz I know that when I grow up, I'll forget everything too. I feel sorry, I feel frustrated, but it's an vicious circle..
New scalding love as a turning on electric stove, New people as a breath of fresh air in my life, New calls and messages as a new chapter in my life book. But without tears and without you. You just a forgotten memory, as a fallen leaf, taken away by a river flow. You was forgotten forever, as a cup of unfinished coffee, which was left on the table. In present I'm with smile. My smile is appearing on my face as a rainbow on a sunlight after rainy day. But I'm still without you. And without you I'm like without arms, I can't do anything. One day passed, one month, one year. You are moving away from me as a train from platform. I was alone as a last candy in a box of chocolates. But not now, I'm surounded by people as celebrities by paparazzi. I'm smiling, I'm laughing, I'm pretending that I'm alright. I'm living. But still without you.
I remember being a child, being a little girl, When it was easy to believe in miracles. I remember my childish happiness, when My parent took me to Disneyland. I remember being impressed by alive Mickey Mouse. And other characters from beloved cartoons. I still remember mix of smells of melt asphalt and popcorn, Noise of crowds and rail casters, Parade of dressed people and mom’s hand, That led me to make picture with Minny, The strength of the safety bell and cold metal of handhold I kept with all my force, scary of falling out from my seat, Funny music in souvenir shops, loud announcements, And talking, and laughing from everywhere, The taste of sweet cotton candy and cold Coca-Cola, I could feel the melting cotton and every Coke bubbles in my mouth. I remember the island in the middle of lake, There was my first rail caster my dad convinced me to try. I will never forget that wonderful place, Where I got on the other side of TV screen.
Morning. Shower. Breakfast. Make up. Bus. iPod. Headphone. Music. School. Studying. Lunch. Studying. Home. Facebook. Homework. Facebook. Dinner. Coca-Cola. Facebook. Midnight. Homework. Shower. Bed. Not a lot of actions. But such a lot of meaning. For me. For you. I’m going to sleep now. To be ready for the next day.
Dad you promised we wouldn’t slide down from that highest hill
Daddy, you said that water ride is not that scary
You told me you’d buy me a sweet popcorn and hot dog.
And now I’m in fake plastic boat, which looks like a log.
And we are coming nearer and nearer to that hill
One quick moment on highest point and then
Little by little Down
Water drops in face
Dad, you are a liar!